The Mustache Prophecies

Hello Boners! I have a few things that I need to say to the world and here it is:

My name is Noah Sterba and I do love my bones, but just to warn you this post is not directly about bones. It does have to do with bones, considering I wouldn't be doing any of this without the help of bones. But it is not precicely about bones, its more indirectly about bones. So, first off, I'd like to thank my bones...thank you bones. Next onto my story.

I was sitting in my living room the other day, a bit under the weather and a bit unshaven. My skin was feeling quite odd, like some divine presence was trying to tell me something. I sat and jiggled my skin around for about half an hour, thinking I could shake the queer feeling out of my epidermis, but it did not go away, and still to this day has not. Then the other night, I had a dream, a revelation, a calling. It was no ordinary dream but one of epic proportions sent from the heavens above. In this dream I, in my full 21 year and 4 month old stature, was strapped to my father in the front like this:


The only thing was we were walking through the children's haunted house at the pumpkin patch. It was pretty scary. But anyway, when I woke up from the dream, it was obvious. Everything was all so clear, I realized who I actually was for the first time in my life. I realized that I was the second coming of christ. But I knew being Christ was not all wine and nails. There was work that had to be done. The first thing I knew had to do was make a prophecy. I went into the bathroom and looked in the mirror, right at myself, right in the eyes and it made me feel kinda wierd at first, but then when I looked at the bigger picture, I realized I needed to shave. But in this cold weather my upper lip gets a bit chilly for I do not have a full headed woolen stocking cap or an upper lip warmer, so I decided to leave the small mustache hair I had. From this pondering over the cold weather affecting my lower nose hairs, I have made my first prophecy:

I will grow my mustache, and beginning yesterday as my mustache grows more plentiful and gorgeous, so will the weather in this little town of Omaha, Nebraska. (Which I have renamed Jeuomahalem.)

So, I have spoken, as the mustache grows, say good bye to the snows!

PS I need some cash so if any underagers need alcohol just bring over a jug of water and 15 bucks.